I sound Like a Fish Wife!

I have had a scary day today. Henry decided to escape. We have one part of the garden that is not fenced in. It's only a little part and he knows not to go there, and on the most part he is pretty brilliant. But today whilst I was collecting his poop, he decides to go through the little gap. Of course, as soon as I realise I scream like a fish wife STOP and miraculously he does. I then scream in a very panicky voice, (because at the end of this road is a fairly busy road) STAY. Then I run round to the front of the house in my dressing gown (it's early morning) with my coat over the top, my hair a jumbly mess and no makeup and call him to come. And he does! Amazing! I was so proud he got spoilt all day long with loads of little treats. I think perhaps he realised I was makeupless and would cause a real commotion if anyone saw so he came back. What a gent.

Nothing else to report, except took the tree down today because fed up with it, and I'm such a Scrooge I couldn't bear it up another day. All those sodding needles everywhere! I have to say I was not impressed with hubby who sat on the sofa reading the papers whilst I struggled to pull the prickly bastard out of its pot then drag its dead carcass out of the door while it left all its sharp pointy bits on my carpet. (This is the tree not the hubby - though i would have liked to do that to him too.)

Thank God It's over!

Well it's been and gone. And all I can say is, 'What happened?' There it was, Christmas coming along like an uncontrolled train and suddenly, it was over! I was so knackered from shopping, Xmas decorating, more shopping, keeping jolly, more shopping, struggling with the crowds, more shopping and on it goes. That by the time Christmas Day came, I was off with the fairies or maybe it could have been the satanic demons. Call me grump because I was Mrs Grump. I was so fed up with wrapping and cooking and smiling that I didn't have time to drink my beloved Vodka! Well, I mean, lets be realistic, Xmas without a jolly large VAT is not bloody Christmas.

Well we all enjoyed ourselves - including me - after the VAT. I can safely say that I am no longer Mrs Grump, but Mrs Knackered and Mrs Can't Wait For The Kids To Be Back At School cos they are driving me MAD! In a nice way of course.

Henry of course, behaved like a gentleman. Oh My God, I was so worried that he would embarrass me in front of my guests by being a puppy (like he is) but he was just the best. On his best behaviour. Must have read my mind. I was so proud. What a babe.

Polly and Fred (my cats) must have know Santa was on his way too, because madam was chatting to me all bloody night. meow, meow, meow ....... They sleep in my bedroom since Henry arrived, and eat in there too, Polly is too scared to eat anywhere near Henry, so being the softy that I am, she's now fed upstairs.

Freezing My Tits Off!

God it's so bloody cold that I'm freezing my tits off taking Henry (my dog) out to the loo. Why oh why can't any place do? Why do we have to wonder around the garden so many times only to come back to the first place to do our business!!!

Took Henry out for a walk today. Just to fill you all in, Henry is the laziest dog on the planet. When I got a retriever I was told they need loads of exercise, well this little man doesn't want any. A walk up the street is painful, for me, because after about 100yards he wants to go home. And he's a heavy bugger, so dragging is out of the question.

However, today I took him to the woods and he loved it. Had him on one of those retractable leads and he was over the moon. It was such a joy, then the little bastard decided to pitch his strength against mine and gave a mammoth tug as he sped away and I lost him. He ran round and round this muddy patch with the entrance just 20yards from us, open onto a busy road, I too was running round and round the muddy patch. (Not as gracefully as he, the green wellies and muddy coat not as glam as a gorgeous cream furry duvet.) Before I fell on my face I stopped panicking and launched myself onto him.

I missed by a mile.

But I managed to grab his lead and pull him in.

Then I went home, humiliated.

Bloody dogs, what's wrong with cats I ask myself, they never make me throw myself onto the ground like a mad woman.

Synopsis

Synopsis as promised.

Presentation:
For an MS of around 80-100,000 words, an author would be expected to restrict their proposal, or outline, to around two to 2.5 pages of single spaced typing.

1. Introduce the setting and the title. One sentence should cover where and when the story takes place (it doesn't necessarily have to be your first sentence, which needs to be as exciting and intriguing as you can make it, in order to draw the reader in).
2. Introduce your main characters by name, age, career, character etc. You should also, briefly, introduce and essential minor characters. A couple of paragraphs on each of these elements is sufficient.
3. Add a further paragraph detailing family, background etc., if these have bearing on the plot as a whole.
4. Try to establish the basics of the plot as economically, buy as clearly, as possible.
5. What is special about your novel? You should try to demonstrate to the editor what makes your story more appealing than all the hundreds of others she may have received that week.
6. Conflict: What and why is the problem which is keeping your hero and heroine apart?
7. Include short outlines of some important scenes. By important, I mean those scenes which change the direction of the plot and mark a step forward in the hero's and heroine's relationship.
8. The ebb and flow of the action: The coming together of the hero and heroine, then moving apart throughout the plot. The whys and wherefores.
9. The catalyst: As you near the end of the manuscript what is that makes your hero and heroine decide that they belong together?
10. The climax: Allow your reader a good. Romantic 'wallow' in the happiness of these two people they have come to care about.
11. The tie up: Make sure that all the loose ends are tidied away and that the reader is satisfied and can't wait to read your next novel.

Okay guys, I hope this information is helpful.

In The Wee Small Hours.

This is Polly. She looks cute and she is. However, she's a devil when it comes to catching mice. Since getting Henry, we lock the cats in at night. She of course, comes in when she likes and usually brings with her a mouse of some description. Since they can't be locked in downstairs anymore they are allowed upstairs. In our bedroom. And the mice come with her. Last night I was up at 3am chasing a sodding field mouse around the bedroom, under the bed and behind the curtains. Bloody cat just sits there and watches. What sort of cat is that, I ask you. Then I tip toe downstairs so as not to wake the dog to chuck the bugger out. I have got so fed up of this that I now chuck it out of the window. I know that sounds cruel, but believe me, when you're woken up in the middle of the night to the sounds of little scurrying feet, and cat in attack mode noises, it's the best I can do.

We've had pigeons in the kitchen pre-dog, lets hope we don't have one of those in the bedroom.

Edit, edit, EDIT!

I have now edited my chapter and slashed (not my writsts) but 2k of words. Lynne thought it might be a bit too long, having re-read it again I think she's right. Now of course, I still think it's too long at 4k, so editing some more. Ohgodohgodohgod! I feel myself spinning.

I have decided to keep Nikki (heroine) as she is, I love her, and really don't see much of a likeness to Bridget. I mean, lets face it, how many of us, faced with a hunky man who comes to your rescue can act in a calm and grown up way! I couldn't. I'd be just like Bridget, flustered and ditsy. Embarrassed as hell, but calm I wouldn't be able to manage.

I think you have to go with gut instinct with your characters.

When happy with edit may well post it and wait for your comments. Will I have to run under a bus. I hope not, not many around here.

ANOTHER DAY IN JIMJAM LAND!

Well, here I am again, and in my jimjams, aaah! Bliss.... I have to say there is nothing better to wear. The next best thing is when I take all my make-up off. Now that is heaven. Oh, let's not forget sitting down with a very nice VAT, lots of ice and some chocolate. Yummy. :)

I am so knackered today. Having gone all over the place viewing cars. You see I have to change mine now that I have Henry, (much to husband's annoyance) and have been up and down the motorway like a mad woman. Finally I think I've decided.

Have had totally lazy week, done tiny bit of writing then got pissed off and went to crash in the lounge to watch 'Cranford' cos it's about Knutsford, where I live you see. It's been bliss, however, this week, I'll have to start with the self flagellation to keep me working.

Henry is starting to calm down. And zee knees are getting better, thank God! Though getting sick of him barking to wake me up, this will have to stop. It will, it will, it will!!

On another note, I'm afraid there isn't another note, how boring is my life!!!

Oh yes, I forgot, silly me, got appraisal back this week and was good, I was so pleased, had a few points but apparently writing is good, a natural talent, ha ha ha, about bloody time I say. Just have to iron out a couple of things and be more vigilant when editing. (Groan.) One thing that was mentioned was that my heroine is a little Bridget Jones like, ten years on. This I hadn't intended, and I'm told it's probably done and dusted now. So she'll have to calm down a bit. (Another groan, louder this time.)